


Everything, and you know it's true.

by c0vicomun



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: FilmakerPhil, Fluff and Angst, Japan, Japhan, LawyerDan, M/M, Parallel Universe, Random Encounters, Secks, Self-Esteem Issues, Smut, Soulmate AU, Tokyo - Freeform, kindof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-07-14 13:49:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7174298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/c0vicomun/pseuds/c0vicomun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And that's the reason I know the time is now; his name on the tv screen is shining and I almost can't believe it, but at the same time it makes a whole lot of sense, 'cause obviously I wasn't going to meet him again at a new job or some freaking fancy meal: he was not a daily bread.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything, and you know it's true.

**Author's Note:**

> it's my first time please be soft.

I stare at the screen with wide eyes until they start to hurt. I feel flowers grow inside of my chest and extend into my brain and my eyes, its known weight locating itself again in my body and all I can think about now it's how unbelievably it is that I never searched for him after everything went down, but he was now reappearing, and it all started to make sense, from that day, until today when I finally sat down and started playing Mario kart.

 

 

It feels like yesterday suddenly, but yesterday inside a dream, blurry and hard to describe, specially because between London and Tokyo there's eight hours of difference and my head was constantly reminding me that something was wrong with space and time. 

 

It hadn’t been a coincidence that my plane had been late and every single one of my meetings had to be changed, and it hadn’t either been a coincidence that weird feeling I had had in my lungs before I took it. I had told Louise that  _I was afraid_ , that  _the plane was going to crash_ and I had even wrote her a letter saying goodbye just in case (I burned it when I got home again, ok?, no one ever knew). I never thought it was something else what my body was feeling, something my brain couldn't understand. 

 

He knew though, somehow, he told me I think. Maybe I assumed it, he knew a lot of things I didn't, and that made me think he knew everything. He didn’t, there were things he surely didn't know. But how could anyone realise?

 

I freak out very easily, so all I could do the whole flight was listen to music and remember Louise's voice answering when I asked her  _what if the plane actually crashes._

 

_There are a lot of things you still need to do. You won't die yet, honey._

 

Her voice was a bit harsh and I felt like she was angry, _thank God I wrote that letter saying that I loved her,_ I couldn't stop thinking. Now I know she wasn't angry and that I'm just a sensitive and stupid child.

 

During my trip, her voice melted with the music and I saw the brightest city of the world being built right below me, made out of lights and blocks of diamond. I felt overwhelmed; it was so weird that one of my biggest dreams was coming true because of this stupid job I hated so much. It was ironic to say the least, and I couldn't stop thinking about it, not knowing how to feel, grateful? Useless? There wasn't an answer even when I searched for it as I looked at the beautiful buildings and the strange people walking outside my cab, but I did felt grateful when I talked to the driver and he understood what I said, even if my Japanese wasn't great.

 

I just loved everything about this place.

 

Except my boss,  _clearly_.

 

I have a lot of issues with this job, there wasn't any sparks, it wasn't intense, I never saw smiles or heard laugher, music, noise at all. It was always quiet, serious and faded, a lot like my childhood, and that said a lot about everything. Job is like childhood because I'm still a child, controlled by his father and now by his job. They say I'm smart. If I was, I would get the fuck out of here. 

 

Instead I stay and nod constantly. Sitting on a black chair in front of a glass table looking at my pale boss in this big ass building in the middle of fucking Tokyo,  _nodding_.

 

 

"Yes, it will be ready as soon as possible, just perfect"

 

 

I had spent a week in Japan, I knew the language, I could speak to people, but I constantly said to myself that I had too much work to do, that I had to make them happy and nod every time they told me to do something like if I didn't, I would lose something, even if I didn't even know what. The simple idea of not doing what I was told made me anxious, but at the same time I didn't want to do anything related to this, I felt something inside screaming all the time, but I just sat there quiet, writing essays for them until I realised that I had spent three hours doing just that, without any music or any noise  _at all,_  and saw in my phone that I had a message from an old friend of mine.

 

 

**Duncan, 19:36**

**u are here and u say nothing (** **╬** ಠ益ಠ **)**

 

 

Everything went too fast from there. Duncan was a guy I met on the Internet when I was a lot younger and we started talking. He reminded me of good days, when I sat on the internet were I was cool even without a degree, wishing to meet him. We were very good friends and I forgot he lived here in Tokyo, and that we could have met for the first time. For the first time I didn't feel guilty, I had two days until my next meeting because of the plane I lost. I said yes, and somehow he was in my hotel room, taking my clothes off my suitcase to dress me up for the night.

 

 

"I got an e-mail from Louise and she told me to take you out", he stated with a big smile, throwing me a pair of neon green socks, "and Mimei's friend just got here a few hours ago, we've been with him all day and now they're at this amazing bar, you have to go there..."

 

 

He kept talking the whole trip, and we also talked a bit in Japanese which impressed him and made me very proud. That helped me ignore the fact that that I was in my friend’s hometown and I forgot how important it was to me. It sounded foreign, like it happened to someone else and not the idea I had of me. But clearly I wasn't who I thought I was.

 

We finally made it to the bar and walked through the people until we found the table Duncan was looking for. The place was stunning, it was shady but shined constantly with fairy lights of neon colours at a crazy beat. The music was electronic and they also played some anime openings. The people seemed so futuristic, deco girls with bright coloured hairs and pins all over their heads, dressed as cats, speaking fast Japanese. I felt drunk just by this place.

 

Mimei was very nice, even though I had never met her before, Duncan seemed so happy that we could talk and be friends. But if I was sincere, his friend really got my attention, for some reason, just immediately. 

 

It might be that he was very tall, almost like me, or the fact that he laughed a lot, covering his mouth with his hand, or that he was English just like  _me_ ,  _what a coincidence_. But no, it wasn't any of that, he wasn't a model, he had a big nose and used an old fashioned black fringe, he was wearing a shirt that changed colour with the heat and vans. The thing that really got me feeling a tickling sensation that I had forgotten I could feel, was that he had mismatched socks, one with pizzas and the other with foxes, and, later in the night while Mimei and Duncan were singing  _Ao no exorcist's_  opening song at the karaoke, he opened his big blue eyes more than anyone I had ever met and almost shouted at me with a big smile: 

 

 

"Hey, your socks, they're amazing!"

 

I just looked at him confused and muttered: "What?"

 

"Your socks, they're cool, I like green, it's one of my favourite colours!", he smiled widely, but covered his mouth with his hand, and in that moment I knew I  _needed_  to see his smile.

 

"Oh, well... Foxes are one of my favourite animals..." I smiled at him, _"And pizza is one of my favourite..."_

 

 

We laughed, because we had said that at the same time, and I wonder  _how stupid and cheesy will I sound if I said that I in that moment I_ knew it _?_ Yes it sounded stupid even for me now, but still there was something and I won't deny it. The looks he gave me, the way he moved his hands towards me sometimes, and, a moment after a long chat we had with our hosts, I saw how he moved a bit closer again (or it might just been because I was drunk?) I was so sensitive to his actions that I started counting in my head the times he covered his smile with his hand.

 

His name was Phil, and he never told me more about it.

 

That night I drank a lot, and considering that I used to get drunk with just a few beers when I was young and actually drank regularly, I got really drunk with a few of the drinks the bartender gave me when I told him to  _Omakase*._

 

By the end of the night we were all a bit drunk and I couldn't I keep my eyes off this guy and the way he seemed so off whenever the conversation scaled from his knowledge. The lights of the place changed and his big blue eyes followed every colour, and I looked at them every time he started talking about his adventures, as he called them; how he met the tea people, or got attacked by a squirrel. Maybe it wasn't so interesting but he talked about it like a kid, just like the simplest detail was the most important thing to him.

 

He was like a distant galaxy in my head. All I've got is a normal life with a normal job and here he comes, a guy in Japan wearing mismatched socks and talking about how he got attacked by a squirrel in Florida.  

 

We left the bar at 3:43 am, really drunk and laughing.

 

 

"I will call you a cab, Phil", said Mimei searching for his phone and shivering, and I woke up suddenly. 

 

 

He was going to leave and I would never see him again, I didn't knew his full name, I didn't knew anything about him. I don't know what got into me, because regular Dan would have just accepted it and thought "what a shame", but in that moment I was feeling very out of character because I  _needed_  to see him again and keep counting the times he covered his mouth with his hand. 

 

So as fast as I could, I thought of something, anything, and I got it.

 

 

"You two can go home, it's cold outside,” I told them, taking my phone out. My insides danced because I was so happy I had an excuse, "my job provided me a driver, I can call him and he will pick us up, so you don't have to wait until the taxi gets here"

 

"Really? What kind of amazing job do you have!”, Phil asked very surprised.

 

"One that doesn't want me to get lost in Japan... a _gain_ ", I laughed and looked at him again. He smiled, and covered his mouth. 

 

 

Ninth time.

 

Mimei and Duncan left when I talked to my driver, who wasn't very happy to have to pick me up in the middle of the night, but got there very fast anyway. Phil and I stepped inside and sat, for some reason, very close to each other, clinging at the window.

 

 

"You remember the name of your hotel, Phil?" I asked him looking around trying to find the button to open the window a bit. The world was spinning around and I was drunk.

 

"Uhm..." He stayed silent for a bit and I looked at his eyes, for some reason still very close, feeling the cold air from the little opening I made on the window flow between our noses.

 

"Trying to remember?" I mumbled.

 

"Not really... Trying to decide if I should tell you or not." He smiled a bit, but he didn't open his mouth. Still covered. Tenth time. I gasped.

 

"Why shouldn't you tell me?"

 

"If I don't tell you, you might take me to yours", he said, and I didn't know for sure, but I felt like he was blushing. I had been holding my breath. 

 

 

I don't know how, but I stayed silent until we got to the hotel. I was extremely excited but I was also afraid that the driver would hear and say something about me to my boss. So we walked silently to the lift, stepped inside and pressed the button to the sixteenth floor.

 

The situation was absolutely new to me. I wasn't a virgin, but I never had had anything with a man or anyone at all since my teenage years, and clearly not ever with somebody I just met. And I was standing in front of the lift door, besides this Phil guy I just met in a bar on Japan, and I knew in my body that he was thinking about undressing me with his gentle hands as much as I was. I could almost feel it. But we composed ourselves, for some reason, burning inside until I got the key card of my room and opened the door. 

 

The smell of clean bedsheets got into my nose as I leaned my back against the door, with Phil in front of me, one of his arms was resting against the wood beside my face, and the other was slowly reaching to touch me.

 

But he did something again. For some reason, he looked at me, and he asked me with his eyes before touching me. My breath was speeding up and I looked at his eyes at the time my head nodded, for the first time proudly and not submissively. His hand reached my face and the contact was so soft I couldn't help but lean on it. 

 

 

"I expect you to be as clueless as I am", he told me and kissed my lips.

 

 

I wasn't one to think at the moment, I just wanted more. He kissed me hungrily while we walked step by step to the big bed in the middle of the room, taking my black jacket off as I took his red one as well. He laughed when he found out I had a buttoned up shirt;  _I won't ever unbutton that thing by myself,_ so I helped him gasping loudly when he dropped me in the bed. I was trying to find his smile, but he hided in my neck every time he laughed and that was driving me crazy. My head was racing with every touch and I could see how hot our skin was because he had a  _goddamned_  shirt that changed colour with the heat of our movements. 

 

By the time he had taken my shirt and my pants off I was trying my best to not moan every time he touched my skin with his extremely soft hands. He traced his path between my shoulders and couldn't stop breathing loudly when he caressed every single one of my ribs that popped out of my stretched chest. I clenched my hands on his back as hard as I could while kept touching me everywhere, kissing my neck and biting my shoulders, I could feel his saliva around my body as if I wasn't wet enough by this moment. 

 

It all happened very fast, he asked me if I had an condom, which I replied with a extremely worked out "No", so he left me while he took his jeans and brought one to the bed. Then he needed lube, and I'm sure I would've exploded by just blushing when I told him that  _I have, it's in the bedside table_ , and he went for it.

 

 

"So... You've never done this before?," he asked, kissing my nipples.  _Seriously you want me to answer?_

 

"N-never with a guy." I swallowed hard, out of breath, glad that he couldn't see my face at the moment.

 

 

I haven't been more scared in my life, I swear. But he had been so soft and careful that I felt like I was a different person, not the twenty four lawyer of a big and important company who was constantly pushed to his limits. I felt like I was fragile and for some reason beautiful, he touched my body and kissed me while we moved in the dark, so close that I felt that if he left me in that moment I would feel empty. His blue eyes constantly collided with mine, he looked directly at me, like he was searching for something else, and I swear that I have seen this guy before, it's impossible if not. I had known him inside a dream or in a past life, _I knew him._

 

I knew in that moment that this wasn't going to be a one night stand.

 

I fell asleep afterwards. I was drunk, tired because I had never used my body in this way and... I felt that I had to, like in the movies. If he wanted to leave me now and not be in the room when I woke up, how was he going to do it if I was awake the whole time? I didn't want him to leave, but I wasn't stupid enough to assume that he felt the same connection I felt with him, so I had to give him that liberty.

 

He didn't sleep, or at least he did just for a couple of hours. When I woke up at the sound of my cell phone and reached with my still asleep hand to throw it away, I thought he was gone and something felt wrong in my stomach. I was still sticky, my muscles ached when I moved, my hair was completely curly and it all had been real. Why was he gone?

 

But then he appeared from the bathroom with his stupid shirt, boxers and his black hair all wet. He was really pretty, I have to admit.

 

 

"Uhm... I used your shower", he told me.

 

 

I looked at him from the bed, trying to make up my mind. 

 

 

"It's okay...", I said, trying to sit up, but my body was weird, different.

 

"Are you okay?", he asked me, one step closer. 

 

"Yes, yes, I'm okay..."

 

I sat up and took my underwear to cover myself, still sleepy.

 

"Do you want me to leave...?", he cautiously asked.

 

"Uh... Do you want breakfast?"

 

 

I showered and called room service while he waited outside, exploring around my stuff like a little child. He picked something up randomly and examined it very closely, with his hands and eyes, the same that had seen me in the night all wet and lustful.

 

I looked at myself in the mirror for a few seconds trying to figure out what in me was so different besides the little bites I had in my shoulders and my ribs. I was still skinny and tall, my bones still popped out all around my body. Why I felt so different? 

 

Something inside was whispering at me that it was the beginning, but I didn't knew of what. I had spent my whole life studying because I had to be prepared of this adult world but nobody told me that something like this could happen, that I could feel connections with people, that they could bite my soul, bring new interrogations. That I could be  _touched_.

 

But I didn't have time for that existential crap, so I dressed myself up with a hoodie and stepped outside just in time for breakfast: waffles.

 

The smell filled my lungs immediately and I realized how thirsty I was, still a bit hangover. Phil was sitting at the small table besides the balcony window with his gaze fixated at the Japanese scenario around us, until he heard me step in and smiled a bit, his smile still covered.

 

God, I _had_ to see it.

 

 

"I see you're enjoying your waffles", I smiled shyly  _-because_   _I am a gigantic dork-,_ "very Japanese of you" 

 

 

He laughed a bit, covering his mouth with his hand.  _Is this the thirteenth time? Does he realize how obsessive I am being? I bet he knows._

 

 

"I can't believe there's just fish on the breakfast menu!", he pouted,  _he pouted_ , "I see you have waffles too, by the way, Mr. Judge" 

 

"Oh no, I'm definitely not a judge", I replied a bit bitter, taking a whole glass of orange juice and pouring another one. 

 

"Wow... That sounded serious," he said and looked at me in the eyes again, maybe because he saw something there.

 

"No, it's not like that... It's..." I started and took another sip of my juice, "I'm a lawyer, not a judge" I laughed a bit.

 

"Ooh, so that's why the fancy driver..." He stared at me and frowned slightly. 

 

 

 _Oh no, he hates lawyers,_ I thought,  _everyone hates lawyers, we're all liars. It's the end, my time to die, clearly he doesn't want anything with someone like me._  He kept looking at me for a few seconds but for me it was an eternity, and being impatient like I am, I had to say something. Anything.

 

 

"Uh... Is it okay?" I mumbled, insecurely.

 

"Yes, it's just that I don't know... You don't look like a lawyer at all", he stated, but then he saw my face and maybe I seemed offended, which I wasn't at all. "Not that I have a problem, it's... You look like something else"

 

"Something like what?"

 

"Uhm..." 

 

 

He stared at me for a solid minute I swear, without looking away completely. It felt too personal and yet not really uncomfortable. A big surprise considering that in my field there wasn't anything authentic, I was taught that eye contact was something to avoid and wasn't allowed, but he looked at me in the eyes constantly and made me shiver just by that. How powerful someone has to be, how conscious.

 

I was able to hold his gaze just for a few seconds consecutively.

 

 

"Give more days and I will tell you" he said suddenly and took a bite of his waffles.

 

"What?" I laughed. "It's all right, you don't have to take it so seriously"

 

"Yes I have to! I have to tell you what I know, or I will know, I suppose" I couldn't help but laugh a bit, it all felt a bit crazy. "What's funny?"

 

"I don't know... It's just, I didn't think it was serious... The conversation sounds more like a joke," I explained, smiling a bit, "but I think it really isn't"

 

"Take it like a long joke then" he said and devoured his waffles. 

 

 

 

I fell silent and kept taking small sips of the juice because my body still felt dry. We also kept looking at each other in the eyes, short stares that sometimes felt like caresses, small smirks and quiet giggles between a pair of guys that had just clicked together.

 

Then I realised that he had started eating my waffles as well.

 

 

"You hungry beast!" I complained.

 

"I thought you weren't interested, you're just drinking the juice like you had to revive from alcoholism"

 

"I wasn't that drunk", I gave him a frowned look.

 

"No, you weren't", he smiled softly and made my stomach twisted around so I looked away. I was blushing hard. "It was great"

 

 _Crap_  "It was",  _crap_.

 

He smiled a bit and kept staring at me while he earned my waffles. "You have too much work today?"

 

"Not really" I frowned, "I'm free today... I mean, I should be doing some research or something but who am I kidding, I'll probably just play Mario kart" 

 

"But you're in Japan! You should go outside and explore the map!", he giggled. 

 

"Yes... I know..."

 

"There's loads of places I'm planning to go..."

 

"That sounds amazing", I took another sip of my juice.

 

"Wow, you're worse than I thought!", he quaked with a little smile.

 

"What? What do you mean? What am I..."

 

"I am trying to ask you out," he interrupted me and I blushed completely, "but you're extremely oblivious!"

 

 

We laughed a bit and then we dressed up to go out there and explore Tokyo, meanwhile I was still freaking out about everything, but he seemed so peaceful that I just followed his vibes. He took one of my shirts because I didn't want him to use the shirt that changed colour again, and so we left. 

 

We spent the day walking around the city with a map neither of us could read, testing weird food and buying completely insane stuff while talking about everything, shows, movies, games, tastes, anecdotes in general, getting an idea of what kind of person was besides me. He was a director; he had done a lot of short films and some commercials and music videos. He was a creative person, his brain just worked without limits; he talked about aliens and had theories about the origin of everything. 

 

We sat down on a park and he looked at me smiling a bit and told me that not knowing the language was making his brain do weird things.

 

 

"What kind of weird things", I wondered.

 

"I am constantly translating the things they say in my head"

 

"What? How? You don't understand what they say, Phil" I laughed loudly, "what do you think are they saying?" I pointed at a couple of teenagers sitting near to us on the grass.

 

"Well, the girl says  _I wish I was that sandwich, yes, that one._ " He made a girly voice when the girl started to point at the sandwich and I lost it, exploding in laughter. "Then the guy replies  _Jenny we talked about this, sandwiches don't have feelings, look, this is how you're going to end, nom nom nom_ "

 

"Really? Really?" I questioned, wiping a tear of laughter.

 

"It just happens in my mind, I can't stop it, I need help!” he beamed. 

 

 

My brain was constantly trying to overthink the situation wondering why was had he appeared in my life, but I threw that to the trashcan. At the end of the day, I didn't even care, I was too comfortable. It didn't even feel weird knowing what we had done last night, which always happened to me with my partners. I always had been too self-conscious to accept that someone else had seen me in that way, and I still was freaking out a bit, but he didn't talk about it, he didn't make references referring to last night, he didn't even try to kiss me. He was too kind and too polite and thank God he wasn't doing any assumptions (even if he wouldn't be wrong).

 

We went separate ways at the end of the day, promising we would see each other someday soon. I returned to my hotel room with a stupid smile in my face and then remembered that I had work to do and a meeting for the next day. Suddenly reality stabbed me and I sat down, took my papers and started to read. Again, I was the lawyer.

 

Work knocked me harder than ever. It is so weird how you can get used to something you hate so much and create the stupidest excuses to justify your lack of motivation on fixing your own life. I say to myself that it's better this way, that it's excellent to have my life figured out. If you have a degree, and you work for your degree and on top of all that you're recognised, then you're successful, that's what success looks like. Sometimes I say that this is way better than not knowing what to do, that this is way better than not knowing what's your purpose in life.

 

For the first time I question if this is really my purpose.

 

 

"I think being good for something's doesn't mean you're destined to do it", Phil had explained while we strolled back from the Starbucks nearest to my hotel, several days later.

 

"What even is destiny? Just an old and hopeless Greek myth," I muttered.

 

“So, do you think life has to be easy?", he smiled at me sipping at his coffee and lifting one eyebrow.

 

"Doing something that's easy for you does not mean your  _life_  is _easy_ "

 

"Then how you make life easier?", he insisted, getting inside the lift and pushing the sixteenth button. I didn't want to get inside again so soon, but we didn't discuss it after we met outside one of my offices. He just walked and I followed him, weirdly peaceful considering I had had a really bad day.

 

"Life's not easy, not for anybody" 

 

"I think life's easy when you're happy."

 

 

 When he gets inside my room, it suddenly feels less suffocating. I watched him while he placed our donuts on the table and I wonder if I am the first person he's had this conversation or if he likes dejected people. I wonder if I care.

 

 

"Are you happy?" I asked, trying not to be so nosy, but still asking. He sat on my bed eating a donut, seeming so at ease with himself, seeming so fucking content with a donut and a bed to sit on.

 

 

I just answered myself with just looking at him.

 

I take off my suit while he watches me without blinking. I put on a black sweater and some comfortable pants, sitting next to him and he is still looking at me without saying anything, with a little smirk. We've seen each other during the week, usually at night. We had touched each other's body again, I still feel him inside me. Once or twice it was the only thing we did because I was too tired to speak. Today, I wish I didn't want to just do it, but I want. I try not to think about it while I lean on the bed looking at the white ceiling.

 

 

"Is your life easy?" He asks me, and I close my eyes. 

 

 

The next thing I feel is his hands reaching to take my sweater off. I wish I wasn't so excited because I don't want him to be my fuck buddy, but I huff a little when I perceive his softness against my skin. He turns me around and I bury my head between my arms when he sits on my lower back and suddenly starts to massage my back.

 

 

"I believe you just don't want to wonder so much", he mutters, caressing my muscles. "When I met you I didn't think you would have all of these thoughts in your head. But you do have a lot of stuff you think but you don't want to"

 

"I'm not crazy or anything" I whisper.

 

"I'm not saying you are. You just think too much", he says, "and at the same time I feel like you don't think enough... Sometimes I see it in your face, like if you were arguing with yourself."

 

 

I sigh loudly and roll over the bed to peer at his eyes. He's still sitting on top of me, caressing the skin of my waist, and I get a bit closer to him, reaching to fondle his face slowly. Suddenly the contact gets a bit exorbitant so I gaze down to my stomach flinching.  _I don't want to talk about my issues_ , I think, closing my eyes,  _you shouldn't see these things_. But he does and even if I say I don't want him to, I know I want, this is all I ever wished for, being analyzed made me feel valid, important, fascinating for the first time and this guy was seeing those things with his big navy eyes, those that started to seem a bit green and yellow when they got closer to me and I felt his breath against my lips burning in anticipation to the first light and innocent touch we'd share. 

 

I might as well explode. 

 

Sugar and mint, that was his taste. I had felt it before, but now I realised because I wasn't rushing it, I wasn't expecting him to undress me, to bite me, to take me away. If you were to ask me what is the best feeling ever, I would say to kiss somebody you really like, you really desire; smile in the middle, play with his tongue, bite his lips, lose your breath and forget. 

 

He smiled at me with his swollen red lips and unexpectedly showed me his smile and the way he pressed his tongue against his left side teeth. My stomach thudded at the sight. It was amazing, he was.

 

 

"Sorry but I need more donuts", he whispered and stood up to get them.

 

 

We watched movies and cuddled the whole night. I wish we've done it one more time, just one. 

 

I never thought I'd ever wake up to a blowjob, in my entire life. It was amazing. When I opened my eyes Phil was crawling down my body and I shivered completely.

 

 

"Ow, you woke up", he said from under the bedsheets. I tried my best to open my eyes but I was still sleepy and blurry-eyed 

 

"What... Are you doing." My voice was husky, my body trembled again when he kissed me, realizing how hard I was. "Crap..."

 

"You okay?"

 

What kind of question was that, he was just torturing me when his wet and soft tongue fondled the skin on my inner thigh. "Oh no, I must be all sweaty and ugly from sleeping" I mumbled.

 

"What do you mean when using that word", he whispered and looked up at me, removing the white bedsheets. I gasped at the sight.

 

"I... I don't know"

 

"Don't use it that often", he pleaded, "you can't believe such things." Phil slowly moved down my body, so carefully I didn't even woke up completely until I felt his soft lips peck the tip of my cock. My breath broke and I used all my strength not to moan.

 

 

His tongue became my favourite thing in the world. The soft texture of it, it's wetness, how hot it was, it made my whole body burst into flames at the first touch and my head start spinning like I was falling from the sky and ascending at the same time. I saw the white ceiling while he hid under the covers and made the world seem less real and my body bigger, stronger, harder, by just opening his mouth. 

 

Meanwhile my length was covered by his mouth I could not keep myself together because this was very different from what we had done and what I had done at all. I wasn't an erudite about sexuality, clearly not, but at that moment it all felt weirdly centred on me and my pleasure, I was on the spotlight, I was not hearing him moan, just the vibrations he did with his throat to give me more pleasure and I saw the white ceiling turn red, yellow and green when he took me entirely to a point in which I didn’t really remember my name and what the hell I was doing here, I was not controlling myself, I was not calculating every gasp, every moan that escaped my lips. I was just exploding loudly until I could not take it anymore.

 

As soon as I grasped reality again I saw Phil, who was laying besides me with a smile and I was trying to catch my own breath. I reached to his lip and tried to clean some cum and I wonder if I was getting any more red. All I wanted was to tangle myself against his body and never leave, this was way too intense.

 

 

"Dan... Someone is calling, you should pick up", he mumbled hugging me tightly and placing his head against my neck. 

 

 

I took a few more seconds to come back and fix my breath before picking up my phone, and I wish I never did. 

 

I had never heard someone curse that much, I didn't even knew most of the insults he told me while screaming that he was driving to my hotel and I better had an excuse. My whole body shivered and I stood up searching for my clothes, so terrified that I felt my heart try to escape my body. Phil stood up with me and started dressing up as fast as he could, cleaning the table, opening the window, I saw how his skin started to get paper-pale and when we were ready, he took his bag and looked at me with his eyes wide open.

 

 

"I will be leaving in two days", he said hurriedly. I tried not to freak out. I tried.

 

"What... Wow, uhm... What time, tell me what time your plane leaves", I told him, brushing my curled hair while trying to put a tie.

 

"At noon, maybe leaving a bit earlier", he mumbled and took the tie away from my hands to do it himself. 

 

 

I shivered and stared at him trying to scan the possibilities of never seeing him again, I wanted to ask him everything, where did he live? Can I have his phone number? His last name? Would he take a train to see me in London, ever? Did he care? But I just stood there and looked at his eyes, again not talking enough. That wasn't the time where I'd had to start asking questions if I really wanted to meet him again, but my stupidity didn't realize how much I wanted him before, how much I wanted to be with him in reality, not only in this Japanese dream.

 

 

"Phil, we will meet again, right?" I asked when he finally finished my tie.

 

"I think we will, probably", he smiled a bit, "I'm leaving at 2:00 pm... I will be around here at reception as always..."

 

"You will?"

 

"Yes, I will"

 

 

I trembled before kissing him goodbye again, trying to impregnate myself with the contact. At the moment I tried to back up because I thought that probably I was acting like and hormonal teenager and overreacting, in reality we weren't anything, it wasn't the end of anything. Now I wish I had just kissed him harder, hugged him more tightly so maybe I could remember his scent, how his smooth skin felt against mine.

 

He gave me one last and short kiss and smiled at me with his tongue poking against his left side teeth.

 

 

"Your boss is gonna be very angry if he sees me here" he said, "I'll see you again, Dan, goodbye"

 

 

 

Someone had evidence about my boss' fraud, but I had my cellphone in mute so I received none of the messages and did nothing to fix the situation. When he got to my room he shouted at me as loud as anyone ever and all I did was nod and start cleaning his shit while it fell down his ass. 

 

There were a lot of things I wasn't proud of doing during my career as a lawyer, but that one kept me without sleep. I pressed mode work and stopped thinking about what was right and what was wrong, but sometimes when you know you're helping somebody on something so dark and immoral, it could not leave my mind, not any second.

 

I wasn't born harm the world in this way.

 

I knew that for sure two days later and it was because I had lost him. 

 

What if, what if I had stood up and sent them all to hell? I would have stood up and shouted to my boss that he  _was a fucking fraud, that if he wanted to get away with his shit, he better find another lawyer, you piece of shit,_  and then I would've walked out of the room and ran to my driver, shouting:

 

_Hurry up, I'm already late_

 

So he would have pressed the accelerator fully and he would have ate the Japanese streets so I could have gotten there in time, as fast as I could to find him standing in front of the counter in the reception, grinning with that extremely weird smile, the one where he shows his teeth and his tongue pokes out against them and makes me go fucking crazy. I would have ran to him and kissed him harder because I hadn’t kissed him enough, and I would have said:

 

 

_"Fuck it, we will fly to London together, we're not strangers, we're connected somehow, we're meant to be, I don't care if you say that in the future will be time for that because I want that time to be now, and I won't let you go"_

 

 

_What if._

 

My head was spinning because the last time I slept was when I did it tangling myself against his white silk skin and it didn't made sense. It wasn't that long ago, I promised I would be there at time, but now I was half an hour late and still couldn't leave the fucking office. I hated them, I had never hated anyone more than I did then, I felt flames burst inside my lungs and a voice screaming inside but I couldn't do a thing, I just waited, silently, passively. 

 

When the conference finished it was almost 3 o'clock; the cars circled the streets and business people walked slowly with their cigarettes on their mouths with the only conviction of eating lunch and young boys laughed harder because what's in the world to care about? 

 

I waited silently until my driver stopped in front of me, I entered the car and watched trough the window while the diamond buildings disappeared from my sight and suddenly didn't feel even a small flinch about Tokyo, Japan, my successful job or my accommodated life. I might as well have been a vagabond. The reception was empty, and I don't know what I expected, but it was clearly not that when I started to shiver and my head felt numb. Some part of me didn't understand, but it wasn't that insane either, 

 

 

"Uhm... A guy came here...?" I asked politely to the receptionist.

 

"Yes, Mr. Howell, don't you? He left a note" he told me, giving me a post-it note.

 

 

Phil's handwriting was small and curvy, but his words were like an extremely accurate arrow, they kept me bleeding but were shot carefully.

 

 

 

 _The punchline to the joke was_ everything _, and you know it's true. Find what you love and then we might find each other again._

 

_Our time will come._

 

_-phil._

 

 

 

I don't question the reasons that lead me to never search for him again, they might have made me find him on the first time and I learned to not be ashamed of what I am and what I do, and maybe it sounds cheesy and stupid but everything has its time because maybe things are meant to be and destiny is real. There is no completely certain truth about everything, but I have seen things and I have felt connections; some of them never leave.

 

And that's the reason I know the time is now; his name on the tv screen is shining and I almost can't believe it, but at the same time it makes a whole lot of sense, 'cause obviously I wasn't going to meet him again at a new job or some freaking fancy meal: _he was not a daily bread._

 

The character Phil just lost second at the race while my character held a trophy. 

 

I receive a message on fucking pictochat with the known curvy handwriting.

 

"Did you just steal my cup, Dan?"

**Author's Note:**

> i'd like to remind you that this might be real in some parallel universe, one where they find a way to meet each other because they're meant to be
> 
> also the end does not satisfy me but sometimes you have to let go


End file.
